Missing entry found!

     Journal, so I keep meaning to purchase one. The process eludes. I had come to a realization concerning this trip. The simple function of being in an area where I am slightly uncomfortable and an event occurs witch brings me off the edge. I drove down a dirt/gravel road within Lake Meredith and it turned to a steep grade for 50 feet or so. I go down the grade and my anxiety spikes. "What if I cant get back up? What if my tire flattens. I still haven't gotten another spare?" I turn around go up the grade and stall the car. I guess second gear at 3mph doesn't work, even when you're mashing it. So, about 15 minutes later I head down an adjacent road think about hiking a trail and see a 1990's Honda civic on the back roads. Handling it like its nothing.

     One of the elements of this trip that reminders me of the last trip is the sheer beauty of the land. The long flat open roads where the land goes off until the eye can no longer see seem boring and are too drive through. Sitting here at the Lake spot, not even at the lake. The views look spectacular with water at the bottom of the canyons, but the canyons themselves are a spectacle. This pan handle of Texas does not represent the state I had once driven through a couple of years ago. I have more respect for the area.

    Within my field of view I can focus on characteristics of nature that are familiar only from picture. The foliage exposes the dirt by its lack to cover the area. The colors are familiar. Its surprising at the joy individuals like myself receive just from a different layout of land. Many say spiritual experience to interact with places with beautiful scenery. In awe but I feel restless. The plan is to keep moving, not to stay. Its hard to keep pushing on to the next area shen the one you're in isn't being given enough attention. Ive seen only a few people since my arrival. Their are picnic tables, and restrooms but barely anyone around. The lake is right next to a town. I figured Id see more locals taking advantage of the area. Why do the spots with crowds, commercialism, and comfort steal so many from the way, the purpose, of the sights. Do people really want to be brushing up against each other in a comfortable parking lot that was easier to get too because they enjoy that? Are those areas for the people who really love the land? Or are those for the people that are interested, but not too interested. To be by oneself looking at the hills surrounding you. Alone with the wind, creatures, and sun is peaceful.

    A storm rolled through and I jumped onto the car to turn on the weather band radio to see if it was serious, it was not. I felt vulnerable when the wind shifted the car. Those moments are the ones needed by us all on a more frequent basis. We are afraid of what nature can do. We try to control it, we adapt towards it, but it seems we never accept it.

The sound my boots make when walking on the dirt/gravel road. What an interesting idea. The sound emits a crunch that satisfies me. Just as the sound of walking on fresh snow. Is it satisfying because of the sound itself or the act as the sound solidifies the surrounding. From freshly lain snow to abused rock from the land we can all gain insight to our past and future from experiences with the natural world. To be afraid of something much more powerful than ourselves is normal, but we are still urged to compensate completely by trying to control.

    I'm worried about the car, about the land, but they do not worry for me. They both will be consumed by time, transformed into something different as we will be eventually.

     My adaptation skills versus those my generation are the same idea? Or different from the past. A newer consumer technology arises and we can quickly conquer it. However when thrown out into the wild I struggle with basic skills which I do not conquer quickly. In time skills are lost, maybe remembered but not used. If I learned to hunt I could say I am a hunter. If I try to learn about the world I am what exactly? A human? No, each creature does that in some way. Why do we claim superiority when our new children know more about an iPod, but less about shelter. I climbed a bit of a tree today, a survival skill possibly. I remember climbing trees for fun as a child. Probably quicker at it too.

New Mexico tomorrow. Another long drive, but I had two short drives the past couple of days to recuperate. The stress of money and payments towards shit has not left and may never do so. Can a price really be on a trip like this though? A trip I talk with family and friends about for years to come?